Until this year I was an alcoholic virgin. Hmm, that sounds way trashier than I intended, but I think you know what I mean. Although I’m well past the legal drinking age, I only started drinking in April 2012. There are several reasons for this, all of which are boring, so let’s just say that it boils down to the fact that I never started.
I was set to visit a land with a greater than average concentration of experts on the subject, so I decided that my trip to Ireland would be as good an occasion as any to start drinking. Since my first glass of Proseco in Dublin I’ve tried many different alcoholic beverages. I enjoyed most of them, but not beer.
A sip of a friend’s pint of Guinness at a pub in Ballycumber was my first hint that beer might not be my drink of choice, but then again lots of pople dislike Guinness so I wasn’t prepared to write it off just yet. Nevertheless, trying more beers fell considerably lower on my list of alcoholic explorations.
Then June I went to TBEX in Colorado and there was a reception for us at Wynkoop Brewing Company where I tried beer in earnest with a glass of my very own. They were quite tickled that my first beer was one of theirs. I wanted to like it and make them proud. But I didn’t. I started to feel weird after drinking half the glass, probably due to the combination of altitude, jet lag, not having eaten, walking all day, and being on edge after a run-in with a creepy dude just prior to the event. So I stopped and focused on making new friends instead.
I still didn’t feel like I’d given beer a fair shake, so when I went with friends to The 3 Brewers for a pre-TIFF dinner I
was coerced decided to have their beer-tasting flight, featuring a white, blonde, amber, and brown beers. As instructed I drank them from lightest to darkest. The light one was supposed to taste fruity, and it kind of did. To me it tasted like I imagine it would if you took a pineapple and a load of old shoes, threw them into a washing machine, and then drank the rinse water. In the spirit of experimental enquiry I drank every one of the beers in front of me and kept hoping that the good part would come with the next sip, but it never did.
I have nothing against the brewers of the beers that I tried. No doubt their wares are delicious to people who enjoy beer, I just don’t happen to be one of them.
It’s official. I don’t like beer.